Matching Nonverbals

For just a moment I’d like you to remember a time with a friend or family member when you really had a great time, a time worth remembering; when the two of you felt absolutely wonderful and you were in sync with each other and interacting in a way that was really uplifting to both of you.

How come you two were each enjoying that moment so much? What were each of you doing that was making the experience fulfilling and fun? The simplest answer is that your verbal and non-verbal communications matched and your thoughts and mental images about what was happening were in agreement with the visual, auditory and feeling signals that you got from that other person.

You thoroughly enjoyed the time because you felt alignment with that other person. Your models of a good time fit consciously and unconsciously. The rapport between the two of you is strong.

I want you to also notice that the memory of this person is rich and vivid in details. Just think about it right now and remember the details. It’s still alive inside of your mind.

You have multitudes of ideas, concepts, images, thoughts stored inside of your mind. You have thousands upon thousands of them stored inside there. The way you joke with others, for instance, may be hilarious to some people. It may be stupid to others. And to a few it would be as irritating as rubbing their body with sandpaper. You enjoy those times, those good times – the laughter, the fun, the excitement – because you fit together in a certain way.

One Size Does Not Necessarily Fit All

Comedy is not the same for everyone. The comedian Rodney Dangerfield, for example, for over 50 years his comedy style was to criticize other people.