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  When it comes to communication you probably already know that what you say and how you say it will either talk people into your ideas or out of your ideas. Your tone, tempo and body language are important. We hear this a lot when it comes to communication. Something that is not being talked about too much yet precedes your tone, tempo and body language is the power of focus and how it impacts your nonverbal communication - what you are not saying. What are your eyes looking at? Are you looking at problems or are you looking at solutions? What you focus on determines where the conversation will go. Your focus is the key to talking people into your ideas without saying a word. What you focus on comes out of your eyes before it ever comes out of your mouth, your body language or your tone and tempo. So, take a look at what focus is, what it isn’t and the impact your focus can have on you and your conversations as well as how your ability to focus will help you talk people into your ideas before you have ever spoken a word.

  What you focus on determines where you are going in all areas of your life - whether in conversation, work, goals or even driving a car. If you have an end destination in mind, you can move towards that goal. The same thing goes for conversation. The most powerful tool you have in your nonverbal communication toolbox is your ability to control where you focus. I love how Steven Covey puts this in his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Habit #2 says, “Begin with the end in mind.” What do you want? Where are you going? What does it look like? How do you know you have arrived there? The same thing goes for your conversations. What do you want from your conversations? If you can see that end in mind, you will move people towards that target during your conversation. You won’t take things personally, in fact any obstacles that come up during your conversation will become just that; obstacles for you to go over and or go around or go through rather than attacks that are going to stop you in your tracks. Your ability to control your focus in your conversation keeps that end target in mind in all areas of your conversation, even if arguing with somebody who you are in a relationship with. Do you want a solution or do you want a fight? When negotiating with your boss to get a pay raise, do you want to complain about why you haven’t had one or do you want to move towards what it’s going to take to get a pay raise? With a co-worker, do you want to focus and argue with them about why they are constantly late or do you want to talk about what it’s going to take for them to be on time. This changes your focus from why are they constantly late to what is it going to take to move them to being on time.

  What you focus on becomes your target and that’s where your eyes, mind and thoughts go. Once you have focused and locked in on that target, your words start to form in your mind. It was said at a Tony Robbins program, “the brain can’t hear not or don’t”. I love how he said, “don’t think about your big toe”. It’s impossible not to! In fact, you are probably thinking about your big toe right now because the now IS the focus. Instead of having a negative target of “don’t” or “not”, have a positive target or a positive focus on what you do want because what you point to is what you will focus on including other people. Once you have identified what the problem is with a situation, change your focus and move towards a solution. That becomes your new target. It’s also a great way to stop and interrupt an old pattern and replace it with a newer and healthier pattern.

  So we’ve talked about the power of focus and how that ties in with your nonverbal communication because what you focus on is going to determine the direction of the conversation. Now think about the three types of people that represent you. You have got your public person, your private person and your secret person. Take a moment to think about each one of those people, what they focus on and how you can shift the focus of each one of these people within you so that you can feel, think and be more confident without saying a word.
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  THE PUBLIC PERSON

  The public person is the person that people see every day. This is the person in the grocery store, in traffic, in any public setting. Depending on the public setting that you are in, you will either give your best or your worst. Let me explain. If you come together with a group of people focused on the same goals and objectives, chances are you will move towards your goals and objectives and you will get along with the people in that room because you have a common focus. With that common focus you are all honing in towards the same solution and determining how you can get there in your thoughts, words and actions. Conversely, if you are in a group of people where you strongly oppose each other, for example, a room that is politically divided right down the middle, then in that public setting you might demonstrate some things in your communication that you wouldn’t have otherwise demonstrated if you were by yourself or if you were in a group that was moving towards a common goal. In his book, The Road Less Traveled, psychologist Scott Pick calls this the “group evil”. It’s the pack mentality. When a pack of animals get together they will do things to harm their prey. In a group setting, especially in a public setting, if you vehemently oppose the opposite side, you might say things or do things that you wouldn’t otherwise do in a public setting if you were being rational and reasonable. In summary, there are two types of people on the public side - the person who is moving towards a common goal or the person who has the opposing viewpoint.

  THE PRIVATE PERSON

  In the private person you have two components, the quality side of your private person and the quantity side. The quality person within you is the person that gives your best. You want to hang out with other quality people who give their best. Quality people are the people you want to spend time with, either in your home, personal life or even in your professional life. Quality people are people who think in a like-minded manner along the same lines that you think. They are like you in their thoughts and actions; you just like spending time with these people.

  Quantity people are the people you spend time with because you have to. These can be the people you work with or people who are in your personal life. There are some people that you work with and you spend quantity time together with them. Regardless of what you think about these people, you are required to spend time with them because your job is dependent on them. Here is where this is crucial. What you think about that person and what you focus on within that person is going to directly impact the quality of time you spend with them. So if you can’t stand working with certain people, that’s going to impact you. This is important because at the end of the day when you go home to spend time with the quality people in your life, if you have focused on the negative aspects of the people you don’t like working with, what do you think you are going to be talking about when you get home at the end of the day? In fact, let’s take it a step further. What do you think you are going to be thinking about on your drive, commute or walk home about these people because what you focus on determines what you think? What you think forms the words in your mind before they ever come out of your mouth and if you are thinking, looking for and focusing on the worst in people, then when you get home at the end of the day that is what you are going to be talking about, and here is the irony. What do you think you are sounding like at the end of the day? Hmm. What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. In order to do the same thing over and over we have got to be thinking about it. Do you sometimes feel like you are going crazy? Or are you thinking perhaps that the people at work are driving you crazy, or the people in your extended family, the person in traffic or whatever it might be that is outside of your control? Now the irony is you get a choice. You can let those people control you and your focus or you can take control of those thoughts and determine what you want to focus on? What you focus on determines what you think and this is all about taking those thoughts captive. As Zig Ziglar would say, we got to stop the stinkin’ thinkin’ otherwise those stinkin’ thinkin’ thoughts are going to take over and ruin the quality of our life not to mention the lives of those around us. Any time you think about people who drive you crazy you are going to feel like you are going crazy. So, as Linda Larsen would say, stop and interrupt this old pattern and determine to move forward on a new path beginning with your focus.
• About the Author
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  Dawn Jones has had an exemplary career as a high-powered professional. She is an international speaker, corporate trainer and business leader. After more than 19 years of corporate and entrepreneurial experience, she knows the secrets to success inside out.

  As a professional speaker, Dawn is passionate about helping people reach their goals and live their dreams; as well as helping them discover the essentials of communicating for results, building self-esteem, and unlocking their paths to success.

  Her fast-paced delivery, sprinkled with impacting stories and anecdotes, makes her one of the most stimulating and sought-after speakers in her specialty areas. Dawn addresses eager audiences both LIVE and on audio. Her corporate travels have taken her to Australia, New Zealand, England, and across North America. Her recently published recordings include “Taking Control of Time and Priorities and Organizing Your Work and Life,” as well as “Conflict Management Skills for Women.”

  In her free time Dawn travels with her husband to East Africa where they volunteer with non-profit groups to help build a hope and a future for the next generation.

  More than a theorist, Dawn has put her insights and methods to the test over and over in real-life situations both professionally and personally. They are easy to implement. They work. And when combined, they create a concrete road map people can use to triumph over obstacles in their life and achieve their goals.

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